Show Me Your Scars

     Erin Murray, a core member of our team at Behind My Mind, self-published her very first book which entails the collection of poems- ‘Show Me Your Scars’. Each and every one of us is aware about how mental health has the capability to deteriorate ourselves. Walking on the same objective of Behind My Mind, Erin has published her struggles of mental health to reduce the stigma and shine a light on the traumas. 

Erin is a young student of the University of Waterloo, studying in Environment and Business. She was born and raised in a small town outside Calgary, Alberta and grew up skiing and hiking in the beautiful mountains. She identifies as the current president of her sorority Kappa Kappa Gamma. Erin confirms to be a certified coffee addict and has the motive of owning all the dogs in the world! Just as fun and loving she is as a person; she is equally passionate and hardworking which made her successful at accomplishing this big step at a ripe age of 23.

This journey of poetry started when she felt defeated and seemed to be struggling to cope with her first heartbreak. The ideal imagination of ‘love’ had blurred for her after going through an emotionally toxic relationship. She was defeated, couldn’t sleep or eat, became tired and couldn’t focus. She felt weak and pathetic; dropped her advanced placement courses and deferred from university. The close ones luckily understood her unusual symptoms and helped her to talk about it with a professional. She was later diagnosed with anxiety and depression. As a part of her therapy, she was asked to vent down as a homework activity. That’s when she discovered she could write about her dark deep secrets, complain about her late-night tears and find inner peace in the form of poetries. Her uneasiness and the worthlessness had finally found a way to stop spiraling inside her mind. She wrote about her heartbreak, which confused her as to who she was; her sufferings; each person who had touched her soul; stories that changed her perspective and the discovery of self-love. That’s what this book is about! It is full of the stories, moments, and people that shaped who she is. Our flaws make us unique and she wanted to show hers in a world that tries to hide things that are imperfect. Publishing this book was a way to make something beautiful of all these ‘scars,’ it was a way to acknowledge what I have endured and heal from it.  

The illustrations in this book have been done by her very own talented sister Zoë Peters. It shows a beautiful journey about how she coped with her struggles and learned a new way of appreciating the bad, of finding the good in the toxic. Throughout the interview, Erin expressed immense gratitude to her parents who supported her in every step of this journey and loved her unconditionally when she needed it the most. She mentions how she found love again, who is nothing but passionate and encouraging and adores her when she gleams. She mentions the motive of ‘show me your scars’ by saying, “Mental illness is often unseen, a quiet struggle if you will. “Show me your scars'' is about opening the conversation up, being vulnerable with my illness and showing the mental scars that I carry. The stigma surrounding mental health needs to end, too many people struggle in silence and I want to give myself and other people the power to take back the conversation and see the beauty in the scars we carry.``

We, at Behind My Mind, try our best to vocalize how difficult internal struggles can be. Every person seems to have a different outlet for coping mechanisms. Something that might have worked for a friend, maybe writing, might not work for you. It is very important for EVERY person to be able to understand what they are feeling and put a label on it; to be real with yourself, admitting the feelings you feel. Erin and many others have had experiences with mental health, and many of them have considered going to therapy. Treating yourself by just “getting over it” is never the answer if you want the healing to be long lasting and internalized. Every experience shapes us to be someone that is new, different and lovely in our own way. Erin asks us all to seek help if we need it and to not fight our battles alone -- you’re not alone. 

You can purchase Erin’s phenomenal book on Amazon!  

Written by Shruti Bagmar

Shruti is a combination of half introvert and extrovert; cracking inappropriate jokes all the time. She loves trying different cuisines and dancing is her all time stress reliever. She is an aspiring psychologist who wants to work towards breaking the stigma and make a positive impact in others life. Instagram: @shrutiibagmar